Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
