Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
