I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
