i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
