I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
