the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
