I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
