I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
