where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
