Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
