If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
