my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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