Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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