weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
