did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
