We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
