how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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