Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
