yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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