Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
