Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
