I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
