I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
