Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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