as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
