I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
