Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
