He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
