fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
