You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
