Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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