I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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