Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
