I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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