I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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