just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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