I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
