So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
