Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
