Don't make out with my wife yet
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
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