I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
