But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
