I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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