I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
