i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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