Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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