I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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