WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
All I want is dick and wine.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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