is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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