i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
