and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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