I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
