The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
