cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
