It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
