I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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